The drugs were a great turn on also.The arguments had gone from almost never to almost daily. The name calling had only recently been added to the list of marriage failures. Names like slut, bitch, bastard, wimp, and much worse rang out nightly in the house.Physical violence began that night -- the night I started praying. I couldn't take it any longer. One of us would seriously hurt the other in the not too distant future unless something was settled.The word 'divorce' rang loudly through the air as the violence subsided. Both sides yelled it loudly and frequently over the next week.And then one day I came home from work and found myself alone in the house. Only my clothes and toiletries remained. No note was left. No explanation.Of course no explanation was needed. The marriage had been over for months by the time I came home to an empty house that day.I checked the bank accounts and found half of the funds gone, just as I would have expected from a person like I was married to. I. They fit like a dream." They do fit you well." A little giggle escaped Britt's lips. "Your balls aren't even sticking out." That's a major consideration," I added, smiling for the first time during this latest father-daughter debacle. "Besides, there's not much to stick out."The back of Britt's right hand thumped my chest, nearly knocking me shoulders over heels. "Remember that, like, year-long study I did in college? In grad school? My thesis? Where I proved, sort of, that there really is a correlation between testicle size and, um, manliness? In quotes? The old stereotype?" Vaguely," I sighed. Must we discuss such things?"Anyway, out of, like, a sample size of nearly one hundred guys, I showed that there was a likelihood of, like, over 65 percent that men with larger balls—I won't bore you with the measurement criteria right now—would be engaged in traditional 'manly' activities," Britt making quote marks in midair, "like varsity athletics, cheerleading, driving-" Cheerleading?" I.
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